The Cure

Posted on September 26, 2008 by

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Something happened to me the other day that hasn’t happened in a long time.  I got the hiccups.  And I was surprised to discover how incredibly annoying they are.  Even when they’re not immediately interrupting your conversation, your mind is completely absorbed in anticipating when the next one will hit, or constantly trying to stabilize your diaphragm.  It makes it impossible to focus on anything.

The reason I haven’t endured hiccups in such a long time is because about 10 years ago, I discovered the 100% guaranteed, sure-fire cure for the hiccups.  And ever since then, at the first sign of hiccups, I always send them away immediately.  But the other day, I thought I’d let them linger a little just to remember what the rest of the world has to put up with.  And it was a real pain!  Ever since I discovered my secret cure, I’ve offered it to many people for the low low price of $20.  Frankly, I think a lifetime of no more hiccups is worth much more than that, but apparently no one else did.  And I ultimately end up giving my secret away for free.  And since I’m betting all of you guys will hold out on me as well, I’ll just give it to you.

The cure to hiccups is to hold your breath.  BUT, you need to fill your lungs up with air first.  I’m not just talking about a deep breath, I’m talking about putting more air in your lungs than you’ve ever done in your whole life.  I mean inhaling as much as you can, and then keep sucking in a little more and a little more until you can actually feel the air filling up your esophagus.  And THEN hold your breath.  If it’s not very uncomfortable, borderline painful, then you’re not doing it right.  Hold your breath as long as you can, at least a good 30-45 seconds, and your done.  Hiccups gone.  You may have to try it a couple times though, to get it right.

Now you all owe me $20.

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