Posted on September 2, 2008 by


As the final countdown for college neared its end, I started feeling more and more panicky, afraid that I would get too homesick, like when I was little and I always had to come home early from sleep-overs because of this same panicky feeling.  Talking with mom and dad on the drive down here I learned that when mom first went to college she was afraid she’d go home and her parents would be gone, just not there.  And I recognized that feeling, although I hadn’t really known how to acknowledge it.  When I was little I used to get scared about Jetty, Grandma, and other important people dying.  And now, years and years later, I started feeling a little bit the same way, but mostly just worried about mom and dad dying.  It’s so… permanent (obviously) and something you would have to deal with for the rest of your life.  I asked mom about missing grandma and she mentioned Aunt Kate and it made me realize that that’s the answer.  I thought when my parents die no one will understand, but then i thought about how my brothers would understand perfectly.  They grew up in the same house and know my parents just as well as me, and only the four of us on earth were raised by these parents, so we are the only four people that would really have that in common. 

Anyway, that made the panicky feelings go away.  That when mom and dad go, it’s really not the end or whatever, and I won’t be alone, and I’m lucky to have amazing brothers.

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